⋆｡°✩ Ughhh

My mom is like being so annoying lately I swear. 

The other day she told us to make a grocery list right, and so I did. When I handed it to her, she was like "oh I know you're gonna be extra" and proceeded to tell me that what I asked for was too much. I only asked for a few frozen dinner meals I'd like to try and a few fruits.

This past week and a half, I haven't really had anything to eat. So I've been waiting for her to go grocery shopping. Yesterday, she did some shopping. Told me "i only got you the fruits, we don't have space in the freezer for extra stuff" AS i was looking at the half empty freezer. "All that pricing adds up" and I only asked for a few things, and I made sure they were the cheapest options.

So yesterday, i was like okay fine guess I'll just make myself a little smoothie, survive off some fruit for a bit. I go to ask my mom where our blender is, and she's like "uh we don't have a blender, haven't had one for years."

Mind you, that day before, when I was writing the grocery list, I was talking to her about making smoothies and what might taste good. And she, instead of saying "oh before we possibly waste money, we don't have a blender" she instead says "oh yeah you should look at smoothie recipes!"

So yknow I've been irritated about that. 

Especially with her saying I'm asking for too much, oh it' expensive. Like no, we only don't have money rn bc SHE spent the whole previous week going shopping every day for mediocre $40 halloween decorations (when she already has bins full of other halloween decor). I'm not asking for too much, I'm just finally after 10 years starting to recover from a literal eating disorder. I'm finally trying to eat the normal amount of food that the average person eats. She just now finally has to buy one of her kids the average amount of food.

And then today she comes home with 2 trays of meat, and is like "you just have to learn how to cook this if you want those meals you were asking for"

Mind you, they take up the same, if not more, amount of space in the freezer as the boxes i asked for, and probably cost more too. 

And she doesn't understand that I asked for those frozen meals because I'm trying to branch out, as the doctor said I should do. I asked for cheap single servings because I don't know, there's no guarantee, that I will like them enough to want them more. I have ARFID, a whole part of that is difficulty branching out, going for safe foods and low effort meals only. Buying new shit and forcing me to cook up a whole meal that I don't even know that i'll be able to tolerate eating is not the way to go about recovering. That's why i asked for single serving, cheap single serving. because if i don't like it, if i can't manage o eat it, it's not a huge loss on my mom's money or on any of our time. 

And she probably thinks I'm just being lazy, but that's not the case. I really hate her.